First Court Hearing

Today I had to go to Bridgeton for my court hearing for Zachary. My mom told me to get dressed up, so I put my best clothes and heals. People in the court house are different.....very different, but I just sat in the waiting room until we were called to see the judge. I spoke to his new DYFS worker, her supervisor, and his lawyer. All stated that the family wants Zack to be with us.....

Went in to see the judge (who apparently was not too thrilled with dyfs) and he said, "This child needs to be placed with the McIntyre's who are family friends within 10 days! He stated to me that I am in charge of his visitation with his parents and family and said a lot of other technical things that went over my head. All agreed! We left.........hour ride home with dad and all I wanted to do was say thank you. Thank you for not being selfish and sharing your son with us. I am sure this is hard on him because I can tell that he loves him. What a sacrifice he and his family are making knowing that we could give him something "a little better". This is only by the grace of God that I am who I am now and I am completely in shock that He has chosen us to raise this child for a while. God is so good. I just am completely in awe of what He is doing and continues to do in my life. I do not deserve anything...I sin...try to control everything...spend too much...lookout during certain times of the month, but He still gives me the desires of my heart. A loving husband, an adorable little girl and now a man child...a little boy to call mine even if it is just for a season.
Thank you for all who have prayed. Prayers were felt and gave me comfort while waiting for the judge. Continue to pray for us...for me. Pray that I will become the woman God wants me to be.

Court Tomorrow

Tomorrow is court day for Zachary. His law guardian called me and asked me to come to introduce myself to the judge. I am a little unsure as to what this means, but please pray for our situation. We have court at 9AM. I'll let you know what happens..........

Be Still and Know that I am God

I have wanted to be a mom all my life. When asked what do you want to be when I was young..I replied, "I want to be a mommy!" I love children..everything about them. Their smiles and happiness. I love being a mom. The first couple years were very hard (and I often questioned my calling) but now I love it! Hannah brings me so much joy and being her mom is probably the most rewarding thing in my life. I love her. Her gentle spirit is amazing to me. I could spend every hour, every day with her. She makes me so happy. Today I had off and she has school. It took everything in my power to send her to school because I just wanted to hang with her. I guess it was a good thing I sent her to school because I could be still...........

Becoming a foster parent (not official yet) has taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with God. He has told me to Be Still and know that I am God! His planning is perfect and He knows what is best for the McIntyre's. This foster care process has taken a long time...............long........long......long..... I was able to be still for a while until the day I got the call for Zack. I went from being still shaking my fist at DYFS, calling 8 hours per day, demanding answers. Oh my!! I could not and have not been still since I got the call from his grandmom. Oh I try to be still and rely on God but this is what I do...."But God DYFS is not working hard enough, I need to step in"...He says, Be still....I say "But God he would be perfect, I love the age and we are so close to his family!"....He says, Be still! I really try to be still...I really do, but then I start to think that maybe God could use a little help. Yesterday I actually called the judge demanding answers (like he is my son). The JUDGE! He called me back and gave me the number for Zack's attorney. Is that being still?
What does that mean actually? Be still and know that I am God!

Does that mean calling DYFS everyday? NO
Does that mean calling the Judge? No
Does that mean calling the lawyer? No
Does that mean just praying for God to handle all the problems? Yes

"Oh dear Jesus help me with my unbelief!" If you can calm a raging sea then you handle this......I feel like the disciples when they were on the boat and the sea was rough and they were freaking out, but Jesus was just sleeping with no care in the world about the danger. I feel like God is just sleeping while I am doing all the work to get Zack. The oceans are crashing and I'm drowning, but God is calm and wants me to Be Still.

OK...I'm surrendering this to Him once again. No more calls from me! I did enough damage. Please pray for me in this area. Pray that I'm able to be calm and still in this battle.

Zachary Scott

Three weeks ago I got a call from a church friend asking me if could open my home to her three year old grandson who needed a home. After discussing it with my family, we agreed to take him. A boy! How exciting! I even know most of his family members so we were really excited. Friday morning I woke up expecting to have a little man by the end of the day. Three weeks of torture...DYFS torture...One person says one thing, one says another. One supervisor says yes..one says no. Most are rude and it has really been disheartening. I cried out to God for some answers, but He said, "Be Still!" I tried to give it to Him, but then I would call, and call, and call. No help! No answer! I was ready to pull my hair out. I just wanted answers..if its no, then OK. Just God's will, but I needed to know that will and fast. But God had other plans for me. I needed to Let Go and Be Still.

So yesterday I told Him that I'm giving up. If it is meant to be then so be it. No more calling DYFS 10 times a day.....It was hard for me. I did call, but only one time (which made me sad that I gave in). Today I surrendered again. Well I got a call from one worker with negative news and I was sad....but then 15 minutes later, I got a call from another worker who said something opposite and that she wanted me to meet him. Ok...what time? and where??

My picture of the little man was a dark brown, dark eyed olive complexion because grandmom said he looks like Hannah. Zack is a fair boy with green eyes, light brown/reddish hair. He was all boy. Wanted to play cars, trucks, army men.....he had no interest in the princess castle or barbies. I left the visit feeling a little sick to my stomach. I'm not a boy's mom....all I know is girlie things! There was also something strange that I just couldn't put my finger on...finally I realized that little Zack was a spitting image of my brother who passed away. Crazy right?

I also left the visit with something I never had before the call...peace. Peace like a dove. I felt free. I cried out to God and told Him that I trust Him. He knows whats best for our family and Zachary. If its with us, great. If not, great. I am so thankful for His peace in this situation...Peace is flowing like a river. Thank you for all your prayers. Please continue to pray for God's will and my peace and acceptance of His decision. Ill keep you posted if I hear any news.....

Waiting.....wondering......wishing

I haven't been on here for a while now because I haven't heard anything from our worker. She has been on vacation for 3 weeks so I'm praying that she gets back to us soon. "Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him" I want God's perfect plan, not just His good plan because I'm impatient and begging Him to act, so He does. I WANT PERFECTION that is why I'm willing to wait and pray................

This week has been thought provoking for me. I say God can do the impossible, but do I really believe it? That is what I thought about this crazy "back to work" week. Let me explain.......I have two special friends who got a phone call one day asking them if they wanted to adopt their soon to be baby. Two perfect children, two happy families, two true miracles from the Lord. Jimmy one day said, "Maybe that will happen to us, Michele!" I said, "That would be nice, but............" Thats where my faith ended....I threw up a hey God "that would be nice" prayer, not thinking it would ever happen.....Faithless......I tell people, sing and pray, that God can move mountains, but this mountain was too heavy, even for God.

That brings us to this week. I got a call several times this summer from a dear friend, but we kept playing phone tag. I finally got a hold of her and she said that she had something to tell me, but she thinks it might fall through. OK....She got a call from someone over the summer asking her if she wanted to adopt a boy who would be born in November. <<<>>> But then she said that if she didn't, she would refer her to us!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YOU ARE AMAZING! I asked a few questions, but then she said that it will probably fall through and that she doesnt know any more information. Ok..........I calmly said, well keep us in mind if the situation comes up...........

God smiled at me and said, "Faith is believing in miracles that you don't see" I said I was so sorry that I doubted in Him and have been thinking of this since.......He can move mountains and His plan is perfect. Although the plan may not go through, he showed me that He can do anything...We were so close.....My God can move mountains and my job now is to be still and wait patiently for His perfect plan.........What miracle are you praying for today? Do you really believe that God can move this mountain? Praying He does

The Dove

Our worker came on Thursday. She is really nice and sweet and I really like her. Everything looks good she said and we will probably have our final inspection in September. Yeah! Room is almost done. I want to start really clearing out my clutter in my house for the rest of the summer to prepare for the future.

Frustration.....frustration......frustration

After a week of not hearing from her our worker called to tell us that our new radiator covers will not pass inspection because there are little spaces in between the wood. She explained that a child may put his hand in it and burn it. What? I told her she was wrong and no child can stick his hand in between the slots so she said she needs to come check. Im not sure if this is really a problem or does she want to break us down so that we back out of becoming foster parents. Really people really??????? First of all, even when the heat is on, the radiators are not hot enough to burn anything. I am frustrated, really frustrated. So many times tonight I wanted to call her and tell her "forget it"....Ill just have my own! DYFS is so frustrating! Now she is coming tomorrow to check other things. I am sure the wood stove fence is not good enough because its not high enough. She told me that already, but I told her its fine....the age group that we want is birth to age 3..the fence is fine. Why so much baby proofing? I told Hannah no, she didnt do it and when she did she got a time out. That's whats going to happen to any child I have the pleasure to raise. That is how I was raised...you say no...you mean no..or you get punished. Too old fashioned for DYFS I guess.

What brings to my mind is that is God closing the door and Im keeping it open or does He want me to develop patience and the ability to lean on Him? Im not sure....is He shutting the door? Does He not want this for the McIntyre's? Sometimes Jimmy tells me this, but then he comes up with ways to overcome DYFS requests (putting mesh on the back so no finger will fit through). So many times tonight I just wanted to tell him that I'm done, but Hannah was always right there and I dont want to tell her its over until its over. No mind games.

Today I spent the day with a foster child who I just love. He is very special and the thought of him makes me smile. I see Him and I smile knowing that so many seeds are being planted in him that will last an eternity. Wondering what would have happened to him if he didn't get the foster parents that he did. Hes such a good kid (all boy) and I love him. Keep thinking of him and many other foster children who are living a great life because of foster parents who did not give up.

Please pray for us. She comes tomorrow at 4PM. Pray for Gods will and my willingness to accept and trust Him if this is not His will. Thanks for listening...I feel a little better!