Be Still and Know that I am God

I have wanted to be a mom all my life. When asked what do you want to be when I was young..I replied, "I want to be a mommy!" I love children..everything about them. Their smiles and happiness. I love being a mom. The first couple years were very hard (and I often questioned my calling) but now I love it! Hannah brings me so much joy and being her mom is probably the most rewarding thing in my life. I love her. Her gentle spirit is amazing to me. I could spend every hour, every day with her. She makes me so happy. Today I had off and she has school. It took everything in my power to send her to school because I just wanted to hang with her. I guess it was a good thing I sent her to school because I could be still...........

Becoming a foster parent (not official yet) has taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with God. He has told me to Be Still and know that I am God! His planning is perfect and He knows what is best for the McIntyre's. This foster care process has taken a long time...............long........long......long..... I was able to be still for a while until the day I got the call for Zack. I went from being still shaking my fist at DYFS, calling 8 hours per day, demanding answers. Oh my!! I could not and have not been still since I got the call from his grandmom. Oh I try to be still and rely on God but this is what I do...."But God DYFS is not working hard enough, I need to step in"...He says, Be still....I say "But God he would be perfect, I love the age and we are so close to his family!"....He says, Be still! I really try to be still...I really do, but then I start to think that maybe God could use a little help. Yesterday I actually called the judge demanding answers (like he is my son). The JUDGE! He called me back and gave me the number for Zack's attorney. Is that being still?
What does that mean actually? Be still and know that I am God!

Does that mean calling DYFS everyday? NO
Does that mean calling the Judge? No
Does that mean calling the lawyer? No
Does that mean just praying for God to handle all the problems? Yes

"Oh dear Jesus help me with my unbelief!" If you can calm a raging sea then you handle this......I feel like the disciples when they were on the boat and the sea was rough and they were freaking out, but Jesus was just sleeping with no care in the world about the danger. I feel like God is just sleeping while I am doing all the work to get Zack. The oceans are crashing and I'm drowning, but God is calm and wants me to Be Still.

OK...I'm surrendering this to Him once again. No more calls from me! I did enough damage. Please pray for me in this area. Pray that I'm able to be calm and still in this battle.